The Five-Hour U.S. Attorney: When Constitutional Theater Meets Bureaucratic Slapstick

The Fastest Firing in the East

Donald Kinsella's tenure as U.S. Attorney for the Northern District of New York lasted approximately five hours — just long enough for him to update his LinkedIn profile and maybe check his new email account before Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche fired him via Twitter with all the constitutional authority of a mall cop citing the Magna Carta.

"Judges don't pick U.S. Attorneys, POTUS does," Blanche tweeted, invoking Article II of the Constitution with the smug certainty of someone who skimmed the CliffsNotes during a bathroom break. "You are fired, Donald Kinsella."

Never mind that judges were explicitly acting under 28 U.S.C. § 546(d), a law that specifically authorizes them to fill vacancies when the Justice Department fails to do so properly. Never mind that multiple federal courts have already ruled the Trump administration's appointment shenanigans unlawful in California, Nevada, New Jersey, and now New York. Never mind that Kinsella, at 79, probably has more constitutional law in his morning coffee than Blanche has read in his entire legal career.

This is governance by tweet, jurisprudence by tantrum, the rule of law as improv comedy.

The Sarcone Situation: A Procedural Dumpster Fire

The vacancy existed because John A. Sarcone III had been clinging to the position like a bureaucratic barnacle after his 120-day interim appointment expired. The Trump DOJ deployed "a series of procedural maneuvers" — legal speak for "we tried some sketchy shit" — to keep him there. Federal courts said no. Multiple times. In multiple districts.

So judges did what the law explicitly allows them to do when the executive branch can't get its act together: they appointed someone themselves. Enter Kinsella, a veteran prosecutor who probably thought he was performing a public service.

Exit Kinsella, five hours later, via social media decree.

Constitutional Originalism Meets Reality TV

The irony is as thick as Blanche's apparent misunderstanding of separation of powers. This administration — which wraps itself in constitutional originalism like a designer flag — is now arguing that a law passed by Congress and signed by a President somehow violates the Constitution it purports to revere.

The judges weren't usurping presidential authority. They were filling a vacuum created by the administration's own incompetence and legal corner-cutting. When you fail to properly nominate someone, when your interim appointments get struck down repeatedly in court, when you treat the Justice Department like a reality show green room, don't be shocked when the other branches of government step in.

That's not judicial overreach. That's checks and balances doing exactly what the Founders intended when they designed a system to constrain executive petulance.

The Larger Pattern: Purging Experience, Installing Chaos

Kinsella's summary execution isn't an isolated incident. It's part of a systematic purge of experienced prosecutors and career professionals across the Justice Department. From the Eastern District of Virginia to the Southern District of New York, attorneys with decades of institutional knowledge and ongoing national security cases are being shown the door, their prosecutions derailed, their expertise dismissed.

Ben'Ary, leading the prosecution of the Kabul airport bombing, left with a typed note near his door reminding colleagues of their oath to follow facts "without fear or favor" and "unhindered by political interference." It reads like a message in a bottle from the Titanic's mailroom.

The Trump administration has characterized the departed as "out of step with its agenda" — which is precisely the point of having a Justice Department that operates independently of political agendas. That used to be called integrity. Now it's grounds for termination.

The Letitia James Connection

Let's not pretend we don't know what this is really about. The administration has "particularly targeted" New York Attorney General Letitia James, who has successfully sued Trump's family business and become one of his "top political antagonists." The Northern District U.S. Attorney's office touches that world.

Sarcone, the guy they were desperately trying to keep in place illegally, had indicted James. Those indictments were dismissed when a judge ruled Sarcone wasn't legally appointed. Now they're firing anyone who might not continue the vendetta with sufficient enthusiasm.

This isn't law enforcement. It's score-settling with a federal badge.

The "You're Fired" Presidency, Redux

We've been here before. The first Trump administration cycled through personnel like a Vegas card dealer with ADHD. But at least those firings usually came with some pretense of process, some vestige of professional courtesy.

Now we've evolved to firing people via tweet before they've located the bathroom in their new office. Constitutional law by social media. Executive authority as performance art.

Kinsella told The New York Times he wasn't sure the email "could legally constitute his firing" and would consult with the judges before taking any steps. Translation: even the guy who got fired isn't certain this clown show has any legal validity.

Blanche, meanwhile, replied to the reporter who broke the story, confirming Kinsella was "officially fired" — because nothing says "legitimate exercise of executive authority" like arguing your case in a journalist's Twitter mentions.

The Judges Will Remember This

Here's what the Trump administration doesn't seem to grasp: federal judges have lifetime appointments. They don't forget when the executive branch treats their lawful actions with contempt. They don't appreciate being told they don't understand the Constitution by political appointees who treat it like a fortune cookie.

Every time this administration invokes Article II to justify its tantrums, it's building a record. Every unlawful appointment scheme that gets struck down in court becomes precedent. Every tweet-firing becomes evidence of chaos and contempt for institutional norms.

The courts have already ruled against similar shenanigans in four districts. They'll rule again. And each time they do, the administration's credibility — already trading below junk bond status — takes another hit.

The Banana Republic Aesthetic

Five hours. That's how long it takes to destroy any pretense that positions like U.S. Attorney are anything more than loyalty tests, that the Justice Department operates on principles beyond presidential whim, that laws mean something beyond what can be overridden by tantrum.

In functional democracies, U.S. Attorneys serve multi-year terms, insulated from political pressure, focused on enforcing laws regardless of who they inconvenience. In banana republics, prosecutors serve at the pleasure of the strongman until they displease him, which can happen faster than a lunch break.

Guess which model we're emulating.

Coda: The Oracle Speaks

Donald Kinsella will be fine. At 79, he's presumably seen enough of this country's legal system to recognize a farce when he's standing in one. He'll consult with the judges, possibly sue, maybe write a memoir.

But the institution he briefly served? The Justice Department that once represented something beyond partisan warfare? The idea that federal law enforcement operates on principles rather than personalities?

Those took a hit that'll last longer than five hours.

Welcome to the Shitlist, Mr. Deputy Attorney General. Your constitutional illiteracy is showing, and Twitter is forever.